Do's and Don'ts of Door-Opening

There are few situations more awkward than being faced with deciding between holding a door for someone and letting it close on their outstretched arm. If you're leaving a department store, it's not as terrible since you're likely never to see this person again. But if you're unfortunate enough to work in an office building, the face you crush could potentially be approving your time off someday! So, let's get into some guidance on opening a door for someone else...and how to react when it's done for you.

 This guy surely had ulterior motives, but at least he was polite.

Mouthing "thank you" is not cool

Why do people think that silently moving their lips to the words "thank you" qualifies as gratitude. It doesn't. You have a tongue for a reason (well, for multiple reasons). Use it. Don't be afraid to be polite. Be afraid to be an asshole.

Don't make me run

If I'm three steps behind you, holding the door for me is a no-brainer. But if I'm across the street, on my phone, looking at my feet, please don't hold the door. It's like when my doctor tells me to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Your friend's "thanks" doesn't cover you

We've all been there. You try holding the door for one person, then their buddy follows closely behind. Then, it's as if all of Osama Bin Laden's siblings got let out of a station wagon. You find yourself collecting tips, playing a role you didn't sign up for. And only the first one through so much as thanked you. Unacceptable. We're all responsible for expressing gratitude. This goes triple for the jerks walking through the open door while on their cell phone.

Make eye contact

I've been guilty of not following my own advice on this one, but it's basic human decency to look someone in the eye when they're doing you a favor (or when you're doing them a favor). And if they happen to be cross-eyed or have one eye that's looking somewhere over your left shoulder, pick the eye that's most centered and stare lovingly. It makes a difference.

Thanks for reading.

-Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter here. 

Five Ways to Walk Into Work Without Saying Good Morning

Welcome to my new blog! This one is meant to analyze the social interactions we have with one another everyday. I expect each post to be brief, exact, and to make us all think (maybe a little too much) about the ways we are social (and antisocial) in our lives.

With that in mind, here is my list of five ways to walk into work without having to greet your co-workers.

1. Keep your head down

Sounds obvious, but it's the most direct way to avoid interaction before you're ready to in the morning.And you can double-check to ensure you're wearing two of the same shoe.

2. Pretend you're on the phone

We've all done it. The overly intrusive intern is walking toward you with a cup of coffee and every intention of picking your brain about last night's episode of DWTS. It's way too early in the morning to interact with anyone, much less this guy. So take out your smartphone and fake a conversation with your mother.

3. Run to your desk like you're late for a meeting

Nobody, and I mean nobody engages in conversation with someone who's running indoors. It's a social deflector that says, "I'm late, so don't make me more late." Works every time.

4. Look annoyed

As the great George Costanza once said, "If you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy." And they certainly won't want to talk to an annoyed person.

5. Use a vacant office as a sanctuary

I've actually done this myself, and it works like a charm. If you see a potential conversational landmine coming your way, duck into the nearest unoccupied office or cubicle and simply hide there for a few minutes. I should note that doing this before anyone sees you is crucial to the plan.

Thanks for reading.

Stay as social as you think necessary.

-Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
My parent blog: www.aparentchaos.blogspot.com